Friday, September 5, 2008

Autumn and New Beginnings

So... big changes: new apartment, new job search, new social scene. And some leftover inner debates: what to do with the car, how to figure out loan payback, where to strike out on the job scene, how to gauge old relationships.
It is September now, and I am glad of my friends. Nina and Jess helped move me in to the new place. Steven, Rajiv, Tonya, they all keep me busy with interesting outings and new learning. I feel more settled here than even a few weeks ago, but I still have lingering doubts about the car issue- it's like a proxy for all commitment phobias- am I really staying out here? Will the expense of moving the car and changing its status be worth it? How will I use it so that I am getting savings out of it instead of pouring savings into it? Still not sure, so I put off making a make-or-break decision. Sounds kind of familiar, eh?
Next soul-searching question: have I really exited that phase of "I don't feel like pursuing anything" that had me in its clutches a couple weeks ago? I feel less constricted and restless, but still as uncertain about which direction I am facing, and how I can affect my own future.
I am, in fact, afraid of regular work which douses the soul of inquiry in cold water so that it ends up looking like Nerval from Garfield: a bunch of wet hair and two eyeballs: ridiculous and out-of-place.
I need to commit to looking for or creating a money-earning job that does not make me feel like I am losing my uniqueness, dulling my creativity, and wasting my enthusiasm. Where, O where, could that job be?


  1. I wish that we lived in the same city, so we could share those outings and learnings in person! At least we have blogs and email to keep us connected -- and, if you're Miss Margaret, snail mail that brightens up the day!

    Love the description of Nerval. Can totally picture it.

    Let's envision your dream job from the positives: something that recognizes and utilizes your uniqueness, nurtures your creativity, and sparks your enthusiasm.

    Another exercise that's helpful is to write about your nightmare job, in vivid detail, e.g. "I'd work the graveyard shift alone in a cold, windowless basement. I'd do mindless tasks for a corporation doing damage to the environment." When you're with what you _don't_ want, you turn each detail to its opposite: "I'd work 10-6, Monday through Friday, in a sunny office full of people..." or "I'd work from home on a flexible schedule..."

    It helps to pinpoint the general lifestyle you'd love to have, as well!

  2. Dearie- why you think I had kids? I didn't want to work anymore :) but kidding aside I have found myself in the one field I never would have thought I would enjoy- nursery/working with young children but I sure miss taking pictures for websites and the smell and adult conversations of a coffee house.